I’m proud of myself for keeping up with this blog for over a year. It was not my first attempt at blogging, but it was the first one to cascade into a flow of essays that lasted for months. Looking over what I’ve written, I have unpacked a few closely held views, and I found more solid footing for some loose threads in my thinking. I had originally planned to bring together my academic training and occult training , and I don’t think I’ve woven the intended threads together. However, on reflection those two threads were not comprehensive, and I had left several threads and important influences aside. My desire for a closed network of beliefs has diminished with these essays. My ideas turned to other topics, and my writing on this blog has slowed down over the last few weeks.

After reviving an old fiction project, I began writing another campaign for my weekly role-playing group. As I fleshed out an outline I began almost a year ago, I found more ideas and reflections, more ideas than time. I have looked for the project that calls me out of rest to work on it, that means something to me and that I want to share with other people. As usual, it was something that has been with me for a long time.

I love storytelling. Reading was my childhood refuge, but I did not allow myself to try writing professionally because I was afraid the well would run dry. I often want to create but feel blank when confronted with a canvas. The urge tells me to create, but my hands do not know what to make. I wanted to find the well that would not run dry.

Of course all of that is a lie I tell myself. I have inherited a set of values that sees novels and fiction as worthy, and games as ephemeral play. I ignore my own efforts to craft and record intricate worlds for my players so they can project the stories they want to tell. Life is too short to ignore myself. I am glad that a wave of lucidity asked me to notice my desires, my impulses, my efforts, and the tangible products emerging from them.

I have a few active game projects now, and I want to give them a good chance of becoming finished products. Since the fragmentation of focus is the enemy of ambition, I will shift this blog’s focus to strorytelling, games, and roleplaying as I reflect on them while developing my own projects. The point of view will not change, so I will leave the flow intact, including this record of change.

Happy Beltane, time for something new